just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
