Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
