And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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