Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
