I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
