hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
