He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
