5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
