I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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