There was a lot of him and a little penis
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
