I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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