Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
