I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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