so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize