Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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