We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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