I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
