I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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