Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
