So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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