Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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