I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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