The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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