If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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