Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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