Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
