i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
