Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
