What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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