You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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