bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
