i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize