if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
