I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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