I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
