My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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