Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
