if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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