this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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