I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
