I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
