Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
