I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
