I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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