Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.