Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.