It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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