Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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