hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday