If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.