can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.