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seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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