btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo