How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea