I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..