Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic