well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
