I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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