why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
