i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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