I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
