god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
