there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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