no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
